Aaah so many forms

There's one aspect I never really considered or thought about when I imagined attending a UWC: the paperwork. A little while ago, I received all sorts of medical things my doctor needs to sign, course selection forms, the student handbook ... the list goes on. It has made me realize more than ever that Mahindra College isn't the romantic, flawless utopia that I imagined it to be, and it is refreshing. All that sun-tinged perfection that I kept playing out in my head scared me because I couldn't imagine myself fitting in, with my awkward laughs and scraggly hair and tidying skills that can use improvement. It didn't feel like a real place that I might come to find a home in, but something I wouldn't dare touch because I'd be afraid of breaking it. Airplane tickets, visa stress, and medical forms have normalized that little campus, and I think I like this version better.

It's strange how normal this crazy concept is becoming to me. Attending a UWC. Moving to India. When I started my application in November, I would stay awake nights reading students' blogs, wishing so hard I could be them, feeling all the tension in my muscles from the days and nights that I would spend editing my application to the point where I had memorized all 10 pages and not realizing I was forgetting to breathe.

I'm grateful. I'm so grateful I'll sometimes find myself staring out the window feeling like a sunrise is coming from my chest because I'm giving myself a moment to feel like the luckiest girl alive because sometimes I really believe I am. I have the most amazing, funny, and weird parents that gave me an easy laugh and a taste for adventure. I have an older sister that will always be my partner in crime that I can sing with and make lego houses with even if we don't get along sometimes. I live in one of the best places on earth. I can find beauty in almost anything and everything. I have wonderful friends that never cease to inspire and motivate me.

Forests comfort me more than anything.

Earlier today, I went and read some old posts on another, general blog of mine and found one that pretty much sums up how in love I am with life right now:

"I love sunlight. I love closing my eyes and turning my face to it and letting it soak in through my eyelids. I love waking up in the morning to blinds illuminated by a brilliant sunrise and keeping them closed is in it's own way just as beautiful as what is behind them. I love the little circles it creates in pictures I love the pattern it creates on a forst floor after being filtered by a canopy of leaves. I love the ripples of sunlight reflected off waves on skin.

I love crying on someone's shoulder and feeling someone's heartbeat. I love going outside after it rains. I love the sound of rain from within a tent. I love breathing in nature. I love being in an airplane and seeing cities from above and waving. I love waving up at an airplane, because then I think that when I'm in a plane someone might be waving at me.

I love city lights on late nights and bike rides in the dark under clear starts. I love eating nutella with a spoon. I love conversations with strangers and bus stops.

I love peace. Within myself, with solitude. I like being at peace in nature and that sense of completeness and alignment filling me up until I can't contain it and need to sing. I love singing. I love people who play guitars who don't need to impress anyone.

I love the sway of the oceans, of wind and trees. And tall grass. I love splashing my face with cold water. I love card games with my family. I love family. I love picking up my cat when she's sleeping and she's soft and warm and holding her for a while. I love sharing, and people who share. Their music and thoughts and love. I love love."