Purpose

'I wish I still knew what that glint in your heart feels like that inspires and tunes the song of this world to your eyes so that you suddenly see everything that you love, everything that makes it worth it. I used to have that. I want to start each day running to go see the sunrise even if it’s barely above freezing and I can see my breath because I know that the rest of the day will be drawn from the colours imprinted on my eyelids when I smiled and said hello to the sun. I don’t want to take things by day, I want to take things by years. Relaxing is good, but I don’t relax well. I procrastinate and tell myself its meditation, but it’s hesitation and I miss purpose. I don’t believe in my purpose, anyway. I don’t trust my purpose. I’m sad that I don’t hear the echo of those I aspire to in my voice anymore, I just hear wishing and no walking.'

I wrote this a couple of months ago and I think I'm finding what I was looking for. This place makes me feel like I'm living a purpose. I don't know what it is yet but I'm getting there. Everyday is an adventure. Stressful, maybe. Not always perfect. It's not quite a home yet, but I'm building it slowly with every hug and every late night spent with new familiar faces and every freak mountain crab that makes me jump.

"Gun het wat tijd"